Archive for November, 2006
For those just joining the story – chapter one can be read in its entirety on the October 21st entry and the first part of chapter two on the October 28th entry, the next on November 4th.
Tori slid a hand up his inner thigh. “I’ve missed you.”
He caught her hand removing it from his leg.
Predictably, she stormed off. Spoiled, willful and yet insecure, not a good combination. Derrick pictured a lifetime of huffs and swallowed another helping of pride. Better resign himself sooner rather than later. Making the best of things wasn’t a new concept for him and it was still the wisest choice. He’d apologize tomorrow – claim extreme horniness.
The laurel hedge lining the driveway offered easy concealment and a perfect view of the front of her house. He frowned. Where was his angel? She had Sunday school and work tomorrow. Would she come in the back door? No, she would’ve turned on lights. Rotating his wrist, he checked the dial of his watch, twenty three fifty. She was late. He should have gone to the reception. Had he gotten an invitation? He couldn’t remember. His memory wasn’t as good as it used to be. The pills had helped – made it easier to remember. But when he took his pills, he couldn’t hear God.
He shifted his weight from the balls of his feet to the heels flexing his ankles. His knees were stiff. He rocked again trying to ease the aches from standing for too long. He wanted to pop his knuckles, but he was on duty.
Images of the sinner with his Angel tortured him. He should have gone to the reception. He could have protected her. His Angel was strong and good, but the sinner was powerful. God should have warned him about the sinner. Fear trickled at the careless blasphemy.
Lord, forgive me. I know not what I think. I am your obedient servant. Yours to command.
God didn’t answer.
Queasy fear grew into a steady drip of acid etching his stomach.
Carefully, he rotated his wrist twenty three fifty three. How long had it been since the last time he checked?
He prayed. Show me the way Lord. I am lost. I am your anointed servant. Your will directs me. Tell me what to do. Instruct me. Make me the perfect instrument of your law. Prepare me to fulfill your commandments.
God sent him a sign.
A car rolled down the alley. A sigh of relief escaped. He shielded his eyes to avoid losing his night vision.
Bella left the reception stepping into the cool night air.
A dapper middle-aged man held the passenger door for his companion. Bella recognized Rod’s Aunt Mimi by her rose suit and silver curls.
“Excuse me” She called hurrying closer. “Could you possibly give me a lift? I don’t live far.” She smiled harmlessly.
“It’s Bella, Merci’s maid of honor.” Aunt Mimi announced, sounding pleased with her success in putting a name to a face.
“You’re right dear.” Her husband agreed with well-practiced congeniality. “Carl and Mimi Harris. Groom’s side.”
“Thank you so much.” Bella tucked herself into the back seat. “I’ came with friends and they’re all having such a good time, but tomorrow is a work day for me. I was hoping I could catch an early ride home.”
“Won’t your friends worry dear?” Mimi asked.
Dear Lord, she was an awful liar. But the truth was too raw and complicated to share.
“I told them I was calling a cab. But then I realized I didn’t have money with me, silly me –” she lapsed into silence.
Carl and Mimi shared an arch look so audible Bella heard – so irresponsible these young people now days. Bella bit her lip to stifle an inappropriate giggle.
Despite obvious disapproval, Carl handed Mimi into her seat then closed the back door. Bella scooted over grateful for the kindness.
Carl inserted the key, jiggled it, and then canted his neck to peer at the ignition.
“What’s the matter dear?” Mimi leaned closer to her husband.
“Some new fangled safety feature. Darn thing won’t start.”
Bella held her breath picturing Derrick striding out of the doors any second.
“Is the steering wheel locked?”
“I checked that,” Carl muttered.
“Just asking, dear.”
Carl removed the key and methodically tested the car’s systems. “Must be a woman.”
“Who’s that dear?”
“Confounded car must be female.”
“I thought that was ships,” Mimi murmured.
“Them too.”
He reinserted the key and turned. The car purred to life.
Bella let out the breath she’d been holding. Carl pulled away from the reception with the decorum of a deacon leading a processional. Miraculously, the clubhouse disappeared behind them with no sign of Derrick.
An irrational disappointment settled like a wet winter coat over Bella’s shoulders.
Posted by Evanne Lorraine @ 7:01 pm |
Absorbing the comments from the contest and looking at my latest idea for a romance I find that I’ve once again missed the forest after getting distracted with the undergrowth. Romances all need to have a romance. Perfectly obvious, the kind of romance the lovely editors are seeking is conflicted based upon who the characters are rather than by circumstances.
My personal dilemma is this: is it easier to fit your story to a line or to market your voice?
Posted by Evanne Lorraine @ 2:38 am |
The Hard Way by Lee Child
The Hard Way is Jack Reacher’s tenth thriller. Not my favorite of the series, that distinction goes to Tripwire, but each adventure is worthy of not only reading but re-reading. Jack Reacher is the tough but vulnerable hero of the series. No problem figuring out who to root for or who’s going to win. At the three quarter point I got worried that Mr. Child had become predictable, fortunately for me and the rest of his avid fans, I was mistaken.
For the romance writer’s out there – why read a thriller? Pacing, suspense, elegant plotting, realistic action and dialogue and because a change of pace is good for everyone.
Posted by Evanne Lorraine @ 8:38 pm |
Frustrated with the lack of editorial feedback, I tried a contest. Took a couple of months but I got the contest scores and comments last week for two entries. I’ve learned a few things.
Judging is subjective
What one judge loves another may hate
If two or more judges point out a problem, it’s worth looking at
Comments and scores may not match
Synopsis counts
I need to think harder about what category I enter
One entry got high marks for setting
One entry got high marks for plot
Dialogue, characters and POV got good scores in both cases
Conflict could’ve been stronger in both cases
Readability, show v tell and wanting more all need work
I got my money’s worth.
Posted by Evanne Lorraine @ 2:48 am |
For those just joining the story – chapter one can be read in its entirety on the October 21st entry and the first part of chapter two on the October 28th entry.
Tori’s teeth snapped shut. She snagged her friend’s arm and propelled them both of the room with only one nervous backward glance. What had she thought? That Bella was going to pound her skinny little butt? Ladies did not engage in brawls.
After the women left, her bravado sagged like a bargain bra.
She’d lied. Tori was pretty enough to get away with lying. Pretty enough to get away with anything. Bella returned to the sink, shakily wetting a paper towel and dabbing more cold water – very carefully – mustn’t mess up the makeup Merci had arranged for.
With her potent coloring, even skillfully applied makeup looked overdone. The brown shadow created bedroom eyes. The iced sherbet lip-gloss emphasized her mouth – making it lascivious. The makeup, the dress, the dancing, and Derrick, especially Derrick – was wrong. Her chin threatened to pucker. She took a deep breath and let it out slow. Repeating the calming ritual until the urge to cry went away. She would not dissolve into a puddle. She would not give Miss Snarky Tori the satisfaction.
Tomorrow she’d wake up in the real world. She’d go back to being her plain and boring self. The clock on the wall, edged closer to eleven. Suddenly, she long for own bed. If she wanted to be home before the witching hour, she needed to get moving.
She’d given Tori and her friend time to make an escape. The party was in full swing. The poignant strains of Unchained Melody beckoned her to linger. It was the last dance before the midnight supper. Staying close to the wall, she edged her way toward the bride’s table. Tugging on a bright smile, she stepped forward meeting Merci with a hug Merci as Rod escorted her back to their table. “Luggage is safe and sound. You’re good to go.”
“Thank you for everything. I’ll call you.”
“Don’t you dare, we’ll talk when you get back. I’ve got to run.”
Rod whispered something in his wife’s ear. Merci looked at him with so much love Bella automatically stepped back to give the couple privacy. She kept going, not pausing until she came to the doors. Glancing back at the celebration, her eyes zoomed in on Derrick.
His neck bent listening to Tori. Glossy black hair, curtained her pixie face. She angled her head closer to his lips. Her black dress echoed her hair – sleek and expensive. She could’ve been a smaller feminine version of Derrick – all clean sharp angles and controlled grace. One small hand fluttered to his tie adjusting the flawless knot in a telling gesture.
A bittersweet longing to toss the little witch right on her bony butt swept through Bella with a flood of chagrined surprise. Ruthlessly she clamped off useless regret. Tilting her chin up, she strolled out.
Merci’s wedding ceremony went off without a single snag. The touching memories safe for a lifetime. Bella wasn’t about to spoil this perfect night with a catfight. She left while she was the clear winner with a tender memory of her own – a magic kiss.
Derrick felt Bella’s glance. He straightened pulling away from Victoria. He searched the room. No Bella. Where was she? If . . . she should be here sitting next to him. A glimmer of peach satin slipped through the doors and out of his life. He took an almost step in pursuit.
“Isn’t it time for your toast?” Victoria’s hand lay gently on his sleeve.
He felt the weight and the accompanying clank of obligation. Bristling, he hid it behind a wry smile. “Right.”
Tori patted his tie.
He stepped to the dais and lifted his glass. “Ladies and Gentlemen, Rod too. . .” Smiling he waited for the laughter to die down before continuing. “I’ll keep this brief.” He produced a tightly furled scroll and let it unwind for a flourishing six feet from the podium.
The well-practiced speech went smoothly. All the while a voice inside wailed, Bella, Bella, Bella.
After the speech, he resumed worrying about Bella’s problem. The stalker – the man behind the notes – bothered him. She’d made it blatantly clear she didn’t want his help. He had no rights. A kiss in the twilight didn’t obligate her. It hardly counted as a flirtation. That he’d had sex less meaningful was his problem. Not hers.
Tori’s voice startled him back to current events.
“Rod isn’t much of friend saddling you with the fat cow.” She glittered at him, presumably trying to simulate sympathy.
Derrick turned toward her,deliberately narrowing his eyes. “That’s low even by your standards. Show a little class Vic.”
She bristled back. She hated being called Vic, which was why he did it.
“You can’t seriously mean to imply you care about that, that woman?” Her voice shook.
“Be careful.” He kept his words soft – his expression hard.
“Can’t we go now?” Tori pouted at him in a change of tactics.
Derrick shook his head, not trusting himself to stay civil. His temper simmered too close to the surface.
Tori slid a hand up his inner thigh. “I’ve missed you.”
Posted by Evanne Lorraine @ 7:32 pm |
Last week we polished off the editor’s wish list from the lovely editors at Harlequin. It occurs to me that there’re some serious omissions on the list.
The story must be a romance. This is my own favorite mistake. The story should revolve around the character based conflict between the hero and heroine, which prevents them making a mutual commitment to a long term relationship. Want to write thrillers? Fine, but don’t pester the poor over-worked romance editor with your courtroom thriller and then get huffy over your form rejection. Same goes for mysteries, paranormals, science fiction, fantasy et al.
Personally, I find it hard to keep the focus on the hero/heroine conflict when the story includes suspense, mystery – in short anything. Even a secondary romance can take over the story. The current work in progress is pure romance, no sub-plot, no other elements. I should learn something.
Posted by Evanne Lorraine @ 3:54 am |
When both Hunter and Tru bond with Amber their mating triangle threatens everything they hold dear.
Determined to help rescue the princess, Cassandra agrees to act as the dragons’ sex slave, but can she guard her heart from the dominant males?
Camille, a plump, sweet-natured breeder, is caught in New Eden’s endless war with Baldor. Her mates, Jaxon and Aegis, need cunning and courage to rescue her. They need a miracle to capture her heart.
Werewolf-whisper Daniel is the only one who can heal Scarlet’s broken werewolf connection. If he succeeds then the pack’s needs will eclipse his claim on her heart. But if he fails, they'll both die.
A lonely woman finds passion with a dominant much younger lover, when she tries to leave she learns her new master plays for keeps.
One dangerous warrior woman plus two rogue demon males equals a love to threaten an empire.
Getting paid to watch Eduardo is Desiree’s dream assignment, but when he reaches out to her, crossing the line, everything changes.
Deep in her secret heart, she lusts for a sexy pirate who’d be her master and commander in the bedroom. But, this man may be too dangerous
She finds paradise in the arms of twin brothers, but their law demands she chose one warrior to mate and one to die.
One woman, two men, three wounded hearts--though already mated their love is still forbidden.
