Another joke

December 4, 2007 | Uncategorized

A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a beautiful woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”

“No,” he replies, “Q has given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was testing it.”

The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”

Bond explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”

The woman says, “What’s it telling you now?”

“Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties….

“The woman giggles and replies, “Then it must be broken because I’m wearing panties!”

Bond smirks and taps his watch. “Bloody thing’s an hour fast.”

A men are from Mars and women are from Venus Joke

December 3, 2007 | Uncategorized

Husband store

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

‘That’s nice’, she thinks, ‘but I want more.’

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that have big boobs, love sex, and have money.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited

Let it snow

December 2, 2007 | Uncategorized

Here in Seattle snow is a rarity. Yesterday we had an inch or so and I ran outside (actually I walked cautiously the stuff is slippery!) to take a photo from the front yard through a couple of birches. Alas today we are back to the regular cold drizzeling rain that is the norm for winter.

I’m taking a writing break–have you noticed all the blog entries this week? Gotta get my writing fix one way or the other. While not writing, I’m keeping busy reading, cleaning, cooking, puttering around the house, and playing with the dog–all the usual stuff. It amazes me how busy I can stay without writing.

This year the TBR shelves have seen more progress than in the last three years combined. In fact, I got to order a supply of light contemporary titles because that shelf actually had room! How have I accomplished this? I’m getting tougher and pickier about books. They get a reasonable amount of pages to enthrall me–if they fail they go. Been thinking about the authors who do entertain me consistently. There are some common elements–the alpha hero being the most obvious. It’s almost as if the author’s all know the same guy. The styles I enjoy reading have no relationship to my writing–strange as that may seem.

All sensible writers have to tell their own stories in their own voices. As a reader I love a diversity (alpha heroes not withstanding) of styles and voices. Light contemporary romance, historical romance, mysteries, thrillers, erotica, and literary fiction I like it all. Currently, I’m reading Elmore Leonard’s Killshot it’s brilliant.

Random notes

December 1, 2007 | Uncategorized

Did you know that Outback’s cheesy fries are the worst food in America? And here I’ve been avoiding their bloomin’ onion, apparently for no good reason. I’m sure it’s tasty. Do you think Outback Steak Houses actually have anything to do with Australia?

Since it’s Saturday it’s time to take photos and write descriptions for ebay. There’s still a lot of excess stuff around here. After listing items for several weeks, here’s what I’ve learned. I’m no judge of what sells. I’ve got a huge stack of vinyl records, which I assume are worthless (but I need to check it out) and an excellent working order record player. These are not things I need or will ever use. In fact, no one has used them in years. Sell or toss? Maybe sell–I could spend many hours just looking for the record player’s original packing material–odds are excellent that the box it came it is stored downstairs. But so are a lot of other things.

Some of the excess around here is mine. I like to read–a lot. Therefore, I buy books and if I think I might want to re-read that book sometime then I save it. There are eleven full bookcases in this house. I’d like to cut down to nine bookcases (it’s a start). Even that small reduction is a lot of books to cull. Then there’s the current influx of new books. What to do with the already read stories, which do not merit rereading? Sell? Nah, there’s no market for most of them. Trade–possibly–depends. I already have a handsome surplus account with my local used bookstore. My library holds an annual book sale to get rid of their excess. I do donate books, but with a steady stream leaving my hands it’s an ongoing problem. A great many of the current mass market titles wind up in recycling. It bothers me, but I haven’t found a better solution.

There are five full closets also. Another problem that rivals that of the books. I find going through things, deciding what to do with each item sad work. Unfortunately, it’s not a task I can delegate. My ultimate goal is to winnow the piles down to things which add quality to my life.

The unexpected bonus has come from some of the buyers. I’ve gotten lovely notes from new and thrilled owners of some of the culled items. It makes me feel good to know someone else will cherish what was only taking up space and gathering dust around here.

Now, if I could only figure out how to do that efficiently with the books….

Update

Uncategorized

The cake tastes fantastic but looks like a lopsided lumpy mountain. The pork in burrito sauce tasty but not going on must make this again list. The cheesy polenta bake–meh, but very filling. The salsa–yum!

The frosting reminded me of when my mom made cakes, there’d always be leftover frosting and she’d put it on crackers, graham or saltines, whatever she had handy. I loved the butter-cream frosted saltines…

Real life

Uncategorized

Finally finished polishing the most recent Dangerous book. Haven’t heard from either of the tasteful editors but I’m not taking it personally. New Concepts has a message up on their website about network problems preventing them from sending outgoing email. Ellora’s Cave works on about the same pace as the print publishers–actually they are a print publishers. I tend to think of them as strictly an e-publisher. When in fact, both houses take books to print on a regular basis. The line gets blurrier all the time.

I’d promised myself a week off from writing when I finished Dangerous Rescue and I’m taking it!

So what have I been doing today? Shipped off a beer stein to an ebay winner. People buy the strangest things. One woman’s junk is another woman’s treasure. I know it’s a cliche–but guess what–it’s true. Amazing to me, but I’ve never been a collector. I like stuff, but I’m not fond of antiques and the whole concept of collectibles is lost on me.

I use a handling service for shipping. The lady who runs the place is grouchy and charges a dollar per piece minimum. I go there anyway. For a couple of reasons. First, I don’t have to stand in line. I’d rather do about anything other than stand in a line, especially when I want to give the business with the line money. Second, she’d competent and civil even if she’s grouchy and I think she has some cause to be in a bad mood. That’s my guess anyway. Most people want the same things, appreciation, acceptance, achievement, and affection. When they don’t get them they react and it’s not always pretty, I try to be extra nice to the ones who obviously aren’t having a good time. They need it more.

I’ve been cooking again. Last weeks dinner for four looks more like dinner for fourteen so I decided it was time to reinvent that menu. Froze the rest of the orzo in individual helping packets, and then got busy converting. The pork roast with the wine sauce is becoming pork con burrito sauce with cheesy polenta, and fresh salsa. Carrot cake for dessert. I’m taking a break from simmering, stirring, and baking while the cakes cool completely.

For some strange reason sometimes I want a summer meal in the middle of winter and sometimes I cook up hearty feasts in August. Dunno why. Fresh salsa sounded so good and I tasted it and it is as good as it sounded. To make it even better, the lovely hot house tomatoes were on sale. I understand why grocery stores have weekly specials–I love to get a bargain.

The forecast is for snow tomorrow. It’s only supposed to last one day. I love snow as long as I get to stay home and continue to enjoy all the modern conveniences–like electricity.